Money Monday

Alright it's really tuesday.. and it's 1:12AM.. but here are your money quotes.. in no particular order..

FSJ On the gPhone: It's like, Hey, we've got forty spazzo companies that can't fuck their way out of a paper bag; let's put them all together and maybe they'll magically become some kind of big bad powerhouse.

That's why iPhone has taken off. Because it's beautiful. It's amazing. It works. It restores a sense of childlike wonder to people's lives. It wasn't made by a consortium. It couldn't be created by a committee. It is the product of one vision, one man, one genius -- that would be me -- with, to be sure, a bit of help from a few other people who played minor roles.

comment on FSJ: That, my Jobsian friend, is the kind of one sentence deliverance that sends people crawling back for multiple free samples, when they know they'll get a fork in the hand if they take more than one.

FSJ on windows: "That's the beauty of Windows. The wow is now. As in, Wow, that OS is wicked unstable, isn't it?"

FSJ "I'm not a suit. Never have been. I'm a totally progressive Mother Jones-reading leftie. That's why I wear jeans and turtlenecks, to make a visual statement about who I am and what my role is in this world."

Money Monday

oy, here ya go!

FSJ on trust: "We trust users. It's true. The reason we do this is because we want to start a chain reaction. We trust you, and then you trust someone else, and then they trust someone else. Pretty soon everyone is trusting the people around them. What happens then? No more war. Instead, peace. You see? And it all starts with a little piece of software. Like a butterfly's wings starting an earthquake, as the story goes in that old Chinese proverb."

FSJ on his tour prep: "After rehearsal I'll be doing some yoga and meditation. Then I've got my colorist coming in to work on my beard and hair until I get the perfect salt-and-pepper ratio."

forbes.com brian caulfield on the gPhone: "Even the best technology needs a sugar daddy"

FSJ on Andy Rubin stealing the apple iPhone slogan: "Or he figures he can just sweet-talk me and blow sunshine up my butt and I won't figure out that he's trying to stab me in the back."

FSJ on eWeek slamming Leopard: "I know people don't realize how software gets created. They think it just falls out of the sky or something. They don't realize all the people who work so hard for so many years to create something really amazing. And then in five minutes some dipshit from eWeek takes a crap on it."

FSJ on network TV writers: "You're latched on to a dying system like so many fat babies sucking on so many big fat Hollywood fake tits. Now the tits are drying up. "

open source saves companies money

MONEY QUOTE- Oh, the words are as sweet as honey that have since been starved the pleasure,

Open-source software, such as the Linux operating system, has saved big companies hundreds of millions of dollars in software licensing fees.

Bah-ha-ha, this is why I love forbes. They seem to write about exactly what I'm interested in.

Money Monday

Sorry this list is a bit short, I have no excuses..

FSJ on a meeting in LA: "There's no real agenda. Maybe some hatha yoga and wheatgrass smoothies followed by some meditation or primal scream therapy. We'll play it by ear."

FSJ on IBM: "Unlike IBM, which used its monopoly and market power to abuse customers, we at Apple are using our monopoly and market power to make the world a better place."

FSJ on their earnings: "Apple faithful, I know what you're thinking, and please, you're embarrassing me. My office is already piled high with flowers that started arriving this afternoon and never stopped"

From Valleywag: "If Barack Obama's intern has been using the campaign account to troll for hotties, Facebook employees know."

FSJ on facebook snoops: "Heck, we've been reading people's .Mac mail since day one. We've got a kind of primitive search algorithm that crawls around looking for sappy love letters or cheating spouses, stuff like that, and we keep them in an archive."

Sarah Mackin on riding on her motorbike in vietnam: "It's like real life frogger, only the stakes are REAL"

sunday "Money quote"

Ok.. what I'm gonna do is post my favorite (favourite) money quotes from my life.. but generally from FSJ and here we go.. this list might be short.. but I'll work on a better one for next week


FSJ on vista: "Startup took five minutes from the time he produced the laptop from his briefcase. Felt like five hours."

Lindsay's FSJ money quote: "Imagine my sexy breath on your neck, my lips next to your ears, saying, Boom. Eighty gigabytes. That's right. All eighty. Boom."

The nerds were like, "Yeah, but Jobso, who cares, it's just going to developers, the code all works fine and those guys don't care if it looks pretty."

And I'm getting involved too with weekly code reviews. Not that I can read code, because I can't. But I know how code should look on a screen. Which frankly I think is way more important. Don't tell that to the nerds though.

FSJ on France selling unlocked iphones: "You know what? I hate the French. I really do. Always have. Almost as much as I hate Scandinavians. And the media. They're number one. But the French are right up there, believe me. Sneaky pricks."

"New survey shows most Americans want a computer for Christmas. Guess who's going to have a sweet new operating system dropping on Oct. 26, generating a whole fresh new round of rave reviews from the likes of Goatberg and Smurfy Pogue?"

FSJ on college students downloading music: "Kids, BTW, FWIW, we don't give a shit what the law says and neither should you. You stole our idea. If we want to fuck you up, we will fuck you up. Plain and simple. If we want to make your life a living hell, we can and we will. If we tell you to take down the posters and paint your asses red and jump around like baboons and send us a videotape of yourselves doing it, you'll do it. Got it? Good. Now don't you have a paper due? Get back to work. And stop stealing music."

FSJ on Doug Morris: "
As I told BusinessWeek: "Doug's a very special guy. He's the last of the great music executives who came up through A&R. He's old school. I like him a lot."

Inside joke: At Apple when we say someone is "special" we mean as in "special education." As in, "rides the short bus." When we say "old school" we mean "likely has Alzheimer's." When we say "I like him a lot," it means we can't wait to rip out his heart and eat it in front of him."

FSJ on employees cashing in the $100 rebate on iphones they got for free: "But we're management. We can do stuff like that. Clerktards cannot. It's right there in the employment contract that retail people sign when they join the company. We have a signed copy for every employee, along with their blood sample, retina scans, home phone logs, dating history, medical records and data from the chip we've implanted in their necks... Guess what? You're iFired, you iAssholes."

FSJ on business school: "My theory is that education in general only serves to clog your creativity and shut down your brain. I imagine the brain is like this giant honeycomb, with all these open cells, but every class you take just fills some of those holes and seals them shut. Getting an MBA is like going back and double-sealing those doors with cement."


alright, that's all I have for now, it's kinda just funny stuff I read today, I'll have a MUCH better list next week. till then..